Daily Zen

The Loneliness Factor

Featured Image Purple Star Anise

One day, years ago, I walked through the front door of my empty home and felt a deep, aching, pang of loneliness. Ah, there it is again, I thought. It was always there, but it was especially noticeable when it was at the door, waiting to welcome me home.

These days, feeling lonely is a rare occasion for me. Instead of loneliness, I usually feel something else. I feel an excitement to be alive. There are so many projects I’d like to work on, so many subjects I’d like to learn, and so many adventures I’d like to explore… that loneliness sort of got crowded out. I can’t even remember what the aching kind of loneliness feels like. It seems like a different reality, a different world.

How did I get from Point A to Point B? I’m not exactly sure how or even when that happened. It wasn’t something I tried to conquer, eradicate, or transcend. In fact, all my efforts to connect with people only led to more disappointment and aloneness. Yet somehow, one day I woke up and I seemed to be in a completely different – non-lonely – dimension of life.

But I do remember feeling so lonely that I began to fall in love with loneliness. I guess that’s when it started to transform into a calm, blissful sense of freedom and wonderful solitude. When I walk through my front door now, I relax into the tranquil atmosphere of my home and feel inspired for the next project or adventure of the day.

After that particular transition, I began to truly connect with people. People became interesting to me. Each person is beautifully and intriguingly unique and human behavior is endlessly fascinating. Also, you never know when you’re going to encounter a True Soul. That one moment can erase all the lonely energy of the whole world.

But whether someone is present in my life or not, I feel the same beautiful, blissful calm. You might have noticed that loneliness can occur whether you’re alone or surrounded by friends, family, and loved ones. That’s because other people, or a lack thereof, don’t create our loneliness, just like they don’t affect or create our authentic connection with life. That comes from within.

Loneliness is often a result of closing off our heart. It might feel too raw and vulnerable to openly connect with other people. That’s perfectly natural, but sometimes humans expect to have healthy, fulfilling relationships when their heart is constricted or when they subconsciously shut people out. And that really isn’t possible.

When loneliness is there, it’s an important signal. It’s a signal that something needs to occur before we can open our heart to other people and to life without fear of getting hurt.

First, we need to connect with our own soul and establish our own authentic existence and honestly enjoy our own company. That can take a little bit of a process. But once you’re in tune with your true self, you become aware that you’re in an intimate relationship with the whole universe – which has been there all along. It was just waiting for you.